Gloomy season

Ok, so once again the weekend comes to an end, with a project submission and presentation due tmr.
Gonna have to wear formal again.
sweat sweat sweat
B.O,B.O,B.O
Cologne Cologne Cologne
haiz...
anyway had a corporate net leaders' gathering yesterday afternoon at mind cafe.
must say it was much better than staying at home playing GTA like a lowlife.
although I must say that I'm becoming accustomed to my lowlife antics,
no motivation to go out, to exercise or even to study.
just wanna slack slack slack.
and slack.
I dunno, i think I'm becoming too much like my dad, cos now I just wanna be treated like a king, with people to serve me.
speaking of my dad, I sometimes just wish he would get out of my life, and stay out.
He doesn't know what I'm going through right now.
I don't want him to know, cos he'll probably make it worse by trying to help.
Had a chat with Esther on Friday, she told me she had been keeping track of my blog posts, and she's concerned about my relationship with my dad.
She asked me to fine a day to go out with my dad and talk things out with him.
But even if I do that, he wont change, instead he'll treat me worse, cos I know him, he's too proud to admit his mistakes.
Even when he's in the wrong, he can still bring himself to say that he forgives me. When I'm the innocent party.
Just really feel in a bad shape now, why couldn't I choose my parents?
If I had a choice I would find a family that builds each other up, not a family where the father is a perfectionist and can't stand failure.
thats what I am, a failure, in school, in relationship, in life.
I'm useless, I admit it.
all my dad wants me to do is study study study.
he even just said that he regretted that he allowed me to go for youth net rally cos now I have to stay up to read through my CARC once more for the presentation tmr.
I just don't understand, why my parents are so respected in the church.
My mum says my studies are the top priority, for now.
So it means that she's saying that God can only be a top priority when my exams are over.
Ridiculous bullshit.
I can go on ranting about my useless and pointless life, but I've got better things to do, so yeah.
Do hope my dad gets posted overseas to work.
And leaving the family back in Singapore.
That would be neat.