Earlier this week, I asked myself , "Why am I living life? Wouldn't it be better if I just lie down and fall asleep forever?" I was also referring to the point that I'm so sleepy that I can sleep forever if I wanted to...
A better life in Heaven, thats what I'm looking forward to...
However, there are so many obstacles in the way, school, parents, grandparents, condemnation, rejection... I used to face a lot of the last 2 examples...
At home I'm the most vulnerable, I'm exposed to so much condemnation from my parents.... Even to the point where I feel like I'm not accepted at home.
For those who know me, I'm happy go lucky, I can't study for more than 10 minutes without having to take a break, and I'm not particularly the academically strong person.
Got back 2 term test papers today, and failed both, all because I couldn't understand what was going on in the lectures...
My brain does not register when it doesn't see a link in the subjects I take.
Thats super frustrating, and I'm going to feel like how I feel after O'levels, the feeling of FAILURE....
My friends always encourage me, they tell me never to give up....
My parents try to do the same, but they make it sound so condemning, what they say never encourages me, most of the time they just bring me lower and lower, thats why I keep holding on to school, to my friends, they are the ones who can make me smile, I never smile at home, cos all the time my dad's ordering me around to do something, or if not he's finding any reason to scold me even for the slightest things.
So I say thanks to ALL my friends!
Those in C197, those from church, and my ex classmates!
I would never have been able to come this far without you guys to cheer me up when I'm down...
So much for an emo post.... ah-ha I guess I had better start studying for the next test... I've gotta work doubly hard to get a good grade at the end of the semester!
Peace!
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